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Submitted on
December 18, 2013
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i.

red as the setting sun
and all men's shade
when she walks by

brighter than
the dull stains
of the masses pined

and aglow
like the fire's died


ii.

hips in motion
switch blades
from tense to open

she's slicing a throat
when she lingers
like rope

and the hopeless
bleed out
in rows


iii.

they break
like necks
of prey

while she picks
the heels
from the fray
she'd look like murder if she weren't the only one
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:iconlegolaspanther:
To be honest as a professional writer, I'm going to say I didn't get too much out of it. The technique felt very stilted and it felt monotone. It has a good sense of originality and style in there, but some room for improvement.

For example there would be added impact if you continued more to the poem. The last line leaves the reader hanging. Your rhyme style in both reverse and regular rhyme are well done though. As for vision, I didn't see much to imagine from it, I only felt the emotion of seriousness, which was very strong.
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:) Congratulations on the DLD! :party:
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:icongliitchlord:
gliitchlord Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014   Writer
thank ya kindly!
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
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:icongliitchlord:
gliitchlord Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014   Writer
Herz 
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:iconthecheshercat:
TheChesherCat Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like the imagery, but I like the title best of all. :giggle:
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:icongliitchlord:
gliitchlord Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014   Writer
;D
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Engagingly edgy. :)
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:icongliitchlord:
gliitchlord Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013   Writer
;D
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