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Literature Text
if there is a god
please do not let him find us
in two dimensions
please do not let him find us
in two dimensions
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or deem our culture
worth condensing into just
seventeen seconds
worth condensing into just
seventeen seconds
© 2013 - 2024 gliitchlord
Comments8
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I found this beautiful. You conveyed your image without bashing us over the head with it, preserving a restrained voice that really suits haiku. The sentiment could easily have become mawkish, or overworked. As a whole, the poem appears confidently handled; you have packed a great deal of imagery into very few words. This is a great example of 'less is more', or every word doing double duty.
One thing that surprised me was that you didn't include the 'flavour' text from your description. It's the perfect bookend to the original haiku, and enhances, rather than detracts from the poem.
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/r/r…" width="15" height="18" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="331" title="Black Rose"/>